This is Monday

First, we're deviating a bit from my appointed scheme to do something a little different this week. I'm slowly ramping up the pace at which I'm working on the second novel in the Endless Wars series, as I'm starting to really get a better feel for how rough and raw this book is going to be, and I'm getting a creative boner for it. Like massively. Hawt,

Anyway, I'm actually going to post the first three major sections of the original on here this week, so that you all can be bribed with a free taste into buying a book. I tried to write the story I'd always wanted to read, and I'd like to share it with as many people as possible, and try to see if I can do this for a living some day.


Untitled Podcast
Before we get to that, though, there is the matter of the podcast. Tony and I sat down together and yammered incessantly about games we don't own for nearly three hours. And some people like that. Fascinating.

We do appreciate that, so here is the podcast page. Please enjoy, and we'll be returning to the mics in a little less than three months.


Regular Programming
I'll be getting back to the regular posts in a week or two. I'm going to focus on Endless Wars for a week or two, not only to try and properly convey what it is to those who haven't grabbed it already, but to get myself in the right mindset while I work on the next book in the series.

Also, for anyone who's read it, lemme know if ya have any questions about it. I'd love to talk with existing readers and see what they thought, as well as answer any questions they might have.


Big Thanks
Just wanted to give a public 'thanks' to both Laurance and Cody, who are both great artists, allies, and friends. Cody did a lot of the art for the Untitled Podcast in the past. He also writes rather well about games, and has one of the last good gaming blogs out there.

Laurance, and his company, Physical City, did a gorgeous fucking banner for my book, and all the free prostitutes in the world wouldn't be a big enough 'thank you' to him. Whether it's a banner, a graphic for a page, a book cover, a billboard, a buttocks tattoo, a comic book, whatever, make goddam sure you chat w/ the dudes over at Physical City for any and all art needs. No shit. Do it. Now.


The Endless Wars: The Descent (section 1)
Here we go, and please note the nice-ass banner made up by the above-mentioned Physical City.



begin section one of the Endless Wars: the Descent

I: Curtain
November, 2001

Dark, ominous clouds. Lightning. A flood of
rain pouring down. Decaying, long dead buildings.
Streets that look like they haven’t been repaved since
the rule of Louis XVI. A cop substation in the
distance. More rain.

That was the landscape that was sucked into
Taran’s eyes. His view shifted around, as if he was
desperately trying to find something not dying, not
gray, at which to stare. He could feel the
lifelessness infecting him.

Taran Walker was twenty three years young, and
possessed the body of a man. His height and build were
just about average (roughly 5’8, with a fair amount of
muscle.) His dark brown hair and brown eyes added to
his almost average appearance. His face was adorned
with a beard that circled his mouth, and his eyes
contained a coldness that looked very heavy.

His room was covered in dirty laundry, various
magazines and books, boxes of CDs and other belongings,
empty beer bottles and cigarette packs everywhere. A
bare mattress was in the corner, with an ashtray and a
digital alarm clock next to it. The walls had probably
once been white, but those days were long since gone.

Of course he loved her. Of course he did. Not
“in love,” mind you. But he did love her. How could
he not? An inch shorter than him, red hair, green
eyes, tiny waist, perfect curvy body, and that weird
Jedi Mind control over guys. She was one of those
girls that was great at convincing you that you needed
her above all else, and by the time you realized that
you didn’t, you had already wrecked your life so badly
that your best strategy was to cower in her shadow
until you thought of some really clever escape plan.

Rosaline was really something.

But, Taran had learned. About four months prior,
she had cheated on him and dumped him for a military
school cadet three years his junior. After four years
of something that almost reminded him of perfection.

So, there she stood. Fighting and pleading to be
taken back.

“I’m done with you.” Taran said, surprisingly
calmly, though he let out several ragged breaths after-
wards

“I can’t fucking believe you. It’s really
interesting, really, really interesting, Taran, how
this ‘honor’ that you always talk about comes and goes
whenever it’s convenient for you! Isn’t ‘forgiveness’
included in your little ‘code of conduct?’” she paused,
inhaled a sniffle, “Taran, listen to me. Please. I’m
standing here telling you that I love you.”

Taran’s mind raced, trying to decipher her tactic.
He had known her for a long time, and knew
that every single word that left her beautiful, pale
lips was part of a larger strategy. She never did or
said anything unless she was going to gain something
from it. He had been brilliantly manipulated by her
over the last year, and was done with it. Just done
with it.

First, it had been the gaps in her schedule.

Hours of time that were missing in her life that she
would claim had been used for napping, which she never
did, or extra homework, which was also unusual. She
always plowed through her homework in a very short
time, a testament to her intelligence. Sometimes, she
would even manufacture reasons to explode at him, so as
to avoid him for the hours it took to be with her
lover.

Then, Taran had caught them.

Rosaline arched her back and touched her breasts
in a way she NEVER did with Taran...she bounced up and
down on him [GRINGO] in a way she never had with
Taran...her gasps and [FAKED] orgasms sounded much more
violent, more felt, more appreciated than they ever had
with Taran...Taran moved away from the doorway...wished
he had been noticed by them...

She had claimed that not only was Taran losing
“it,” but so was their relationship. She had said that
things hadn’t been the same since...

She saw Taran lying bloody on his couch, shards
of glass embedded in his face...white powder caked
under his nose...she knew he was supposed to be dead...

He figured that she, being only 19, had gotten
bored and curious. He had been warned that she had
been too young when they started dating, and here he
stood, the biggest goddam fool in the world.

He continued to stare out the window and absorb
the rather depressing landscape. He took another drag
off his cigarette, exhaled, and turned to face her. He
hated this moment. The moment after you’ve been facing
away from a lover or an ex you’ve been fighting with
and then, suddenly you turn, look at them, and remember
why you were facing away. They’re the most beautiful
individual in the world.

He very calmly approached her. He caressed her
cheek with his hand and smiled at her.

“I will always love you, I’m sure. I just don’t
ever want to see you again,” he whispered, his smile
trembling, “and please, just let me go. Please. I
can’t-“

“Taran, I left you for Johnny Gringo. Another
guy. You are not the first person this has happened
to. You’re acting like this is some horrible new
problem in the world. It happens all the fucking
time.”

He pulled away from her, his unstable smile
dissolving into a sigh. His eyes rolled as he threw
his hands up in the air.

“Ya know, Roz, there was a time when I thought
you might actually be capable of feeling guilty for
something, or actually really, truly loving someone. I
suspected you were incapable of having a shred of
humanity a year ago, and now, I’m sure of it.”

Rosaline looked away from him, her green eyes
flicking all over the place. She bit her lip and
nodded her head.

“Taran,” she began, her voice quieter and
sweeter, “Can we just...start over, or something.
Please? I-“

“NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!” Taran exploded,
slapping a beer bottle off of his window sill and into
a wall. Rosaline jumped away from the glass shards
that sprayed out.

“Calm down!” she yelled, pointing a long,
perfectly sculpted finger at him. The red nail shined
from the light of the street lamp outside.

“Then stop! It’s like you can’t decide if you
want me back so that you can torture me some more or
because you actually do love me. Just leave! Go!”

“Taran, stop it. Look, let’s calm down and just
talk, okay? No more yelling, okay? Let’s just relax
and talk this out.” Rosaline offered, almost speaking
in a whisper.

“No.” Taran grunted through gritted teeth. He
turned and stared at the dying night through his window
again.

Rosaline’s voice cracked as she spoke.

“Don’t you understand? I made a mistake. If I
wounded you, I-“

Taran whirled to face her, smashing his cigarette
into the ashtray as he turned.

“Some wounds heal and some wounds scar. Do you
know what it means to be wounded? Do you know what
it’s like when that wound comes from someone you love?
When that wound is accidentally inflicted, that is
easily forgivable. When that wound is intentional, it
is not. When it is intentional and repeatedly fucking
inflicted, it goes into a realm beyond hatred and
sadness. I believe the term ‘inhuman’ was fashioned
for just this kind of act. You have never loved me and
are incapable of doing so. Leave now.”

He turned back to the window. Tears dripped off
of his rough cheeks and into the ashtray, extinguishing
the burning remains of the cigarette.
Rosaline stared at him for a few moments, then
finally spoke in a choked voice.

“What happened to you? You used to be...”
Still staring out the window, never turning to
look at her, Taran responded.

“Never mind what I used to be. It’s no concern
of yours any longer. You will never have to worry
about it again. I’ve relieved you of that. Good bye.”

All Rosaline could do was stare. Or, at least
attempt to. The tears were flowing so heavily she had
to repeatedly blink. He was gone for good this time.
Forever. And, yet, there he was. Standing maybe a
foot away. He was right in front of her! She could
reach out to touch him. One last time. Her last
memory of him could be the feeling of their skin
touching.

However, she was convinced this would not be
their last shared memory.

She bent down, picked up her purse, walked out of
the room, and began to head down the stairs.

For whatever reason, he didn’t feel that great
sense of victory he had expected.

Taran stared out of his window, his hands clasped
behind his back, and watched her exit the building and
run to her car. Rosaline was gone.

The dying city lay before him, waiting.

end of the first section of the Endless Wars: the Descent

So, that's the first part of the book. I'll post more of it tomorrow, and the following day, and then we'll see what we do with the rest of the week. I'll also answer some of last week's 'Writing Wednesday' questions.

Now, when it comes to buying the actual book, there are two options:

Buy a real book for $15.42!

Buy an ebook for $1.25!

The choice is yours, and I make the same $1 off of it either way, so please just buy the version that makes it easier for you to read it!

The long-term goal is make enough to buy my own ISBN, so any help you can contribute is very, very appreciated.

See ya tomorrow.

-Blaine

Tech Tuesday (Fat Techie Week)

I love technology, but I hate being fat. Those two statements go nearly hand in hand (except for you pretentious, skinny Mac apologists), which is unfortunate. We tech dudes have these brilliant minds, but our women become disgusted by us because we have become so fat that we are almost devolving into bloated masses that yap about how under-appreciated Linux is, or how humanity is utterly fucking itself by not being more aggressive with the space program, or how, deep in our overworked hearts, we know that Halo really isn't THAT great.

It's a tough balance, working in IT. While, generally, you are better than most people, it's hard to express that while they're staring at your hideous, jiggling, spherical form. I feel your pain, brother. You have so much to offer the world, but receive so little love. Your friends and parents 'help' by reminding you that you used to be a much better and more lovable person because you looked different than you look now, and your body shape was less embarrassing to them. Your wife suddenly develops a much greater interest in her nightly literature, and your penis, could you actually see it, now has cobwebs on it from disuse. You're not even entirely sure it's still there. Your children mock you and laugh at your immense girth.

It's time to make a change, bro. You're mad at all of them because the disdain and disappointment you see in their eyes is justified. You've failed. Every person's body is a marvel of organic technology, and you have been neglectful to your most important machine.

I feel your pain because I've failed in the exact same way. On my best days, I'm a fucking punchline to the worst fat joke you've ever heard.

Here's the good news: it's all in my control. I don't know if I just needed to get mad enough or what, but eating less has become much easier. The Bodybugg has been a tremendous help in tracking my progress, and giving me tangible goals, and a healthy dose of white-hot rage has definitely contributed, but I am the one who is making progress, I am the one who is limiting what I eat, I am the one getting on the treadmill when I need to, and I am the one who will reap the benefits of being athletic and sexy again.

What I'm really looking forward to is still being the super-smart, witty guy who's slightly technically inclined and very artistic, and then being a huge dick to people who treated me differently when I was 100 pounds overweight. I can't wait to be one of them, and then use it against them.

But, how to get there? How do we fat tech guys use our skillset to crush the skinny know-nothings under our Converse tennis shoes?

Well, here's what I've been doing.

First, you need a system. You should be good at this. Maybe use OpenOffice Calc or GoogleDocs to track your calorie intake. I've been using the aforementioned Bodybugg system, which is awesome since it attaches to my body and tracks my calorie burning while I enter my calorie intake, and also stores the values for any food I have to 'create' in the system (while it also already has a ton of existing foods).

Either way, design a system for yourself, but allow for some flexibility. Allow a system that is immediately challenging, but allows you some slack.

Let me put it this way. I initially started out by slashing my intake to 1000 calories and my activity to burning 3500. I knew that was an insane disparity, but it gave me a lot of room to ease into it. By honestly trying to limit how much I've been eating, and working toward that activity level, I've been able to hit an average of 3500 calories burnt per day, and have managed to come in it at less than 2000 per day, and the pounds have been coming off. Granted, this is for a very small sample size of two weeks, but I'm seeing more tangible results now than I've seen in any previous attempt at weight-loss. Every day, I am burning more calories than I'm consuming. Every day, I'm making progress.

The Bodybugg thing has been very helpful in getting it through my head that I can not only consume less than I burn, but that I can do so easily. I tend to shy away from things that take a lot of effort, and the initial pounds, because I'm so fat, have come off easily, which has fueled an even more fervent desire to shed even more pounds.

Additionally, I've worked hard to force myself to derive pleasure from things other than food. I think the main reason for my constant over-consumption is just that I enjoy delicious food waaay too much, and used it to self-medicate at times. By hammering at myself to stop counting on food as a pleasure source, it's decreased, and I do, honestly, enjoy it less. When I eat, I eat as fast as I can, to get it over with.

Back to the tech side, there's something about having to work with an interface several times a day that keeps me focused on attacking my fatness. My entering numbers and seeing graphs change, and moving sliders, I feel like I'm actively doing something helpful in regards to my weight.

Really, the Bodybugg has been fantastic and fun so far. What I'd do, though, if ya don't want to drop a bunch of money, is just aim for 1000 calories a day, but let yourself fail A LITTLE, if ya need. Just do that, and maintain your normal life otherwise.

The trade-off, though, has been my smoking. I was down to two smokes a day, but it's come back with a vengeance now. It's interesting to me that I never actually conquer anything. I always just shift the manifestation. Weird.

Also, to be a full geek, I love playing RPGs while I'm on the treadmill. It's perfect for turn-based RPGs like Lost Odyssey or any of the Final Fantasy games. I'm trying to get to a point where I only watch TV or play RPGs while I'm on the treadmill, but that's been hard on my knees.

Anyway, I'm six pounds lighter than I was two weeks ago, and plan on continuing the war. What about you? Are you a fat geek? What's your plan? Anyone out there actually recovered from their fatness?

Also, let me know if there's anything you want to hear about in regards to Writing Wednesday!

-Blaine

Manly Monday (round 2)

Whew. Hell of a week last week, followed by an interesting weekend. As you can gather from my deadpanned previous (Friday) post, I got a little beat-up, but managed to put some alcohol on it Friday night & Saturday night, which helped tremendously.

Friday, I hooked up w/ my old drummer for the first time in about 10 years ('hooked up' as in we went our for beers, not me unlocking his anus w/ my dick-key). We caught up, slowly got over the shock of sitting at a table together, and talked about what it means to be in your thirties with no clear direction in your professional life. I was glad that someone else thinks about that, too.

Saturday, I went to an all-day Driver Improvement Program for my 52-in-a-30 speeding ticket, and found myself simultaneously fascinated and nauseated by the fact that I was literally twice the age of the average attendant. Good times. I then went and podcasted with Tony. It was rad. I would say that this is the best podcast we've done in months. It's also the best TGS podcast we've done in about a year.

We, will, of course, be doing our Holiday Preview this Saturday, and are still gathering up all the games that you wanna hear about. If you're on the fence about something, want to learn more about a holiday release, or just wanna hear that game that you can't live without talked up some more, drop your list here. We'll take the most popular and the most interesting and then drone on about our tedious lives for two and a half hours while casually mentioning something that is very important to you.

Also, don't forget that tomorrow marks the first new Alice in Chains release in fourteen years. I've been listening to my review disc, and I gotta say that several of the tracks are pretty memorable, in a good way, and die-hard fans are going to be rewarded. It's got enough familiarity to it that you instantly recognize the band, but enough has changed that it stays interesting from start to finish.



I also snagged the new Star Trek Blu-Ray sets, Star Trek Season 2 Remastered and the Star Trek: the Next Generation films. Star Trek s2 includes the DS9 tribble episode, so it'll be the first time I've gotten to see Deep Space Nine in HD. DS9 has long been my favorite of all the Star Trek series, so it'll be a real treat to gaze lovingly upon it as my eyes are masturbated by the 1080p-ness of it all. I also just love any and all Star Trek in HD.

Anyway...



Manly Monday
In keeping with today's reader question, I wanted to direct this one to the ladies a bit.

It's pretty simple. Really.

Whether you mean to or not, you train your man. You do. It may not be obvious, but your man behaves and treats you in the way that you've taught him is acceptable.

Look, we men are simple creatures. We like food, competition, sex, and power. Manipulate those basic concepts, and you can train your man. Don't believe me? Read up on B.F. Skinner. Seriously.

A good man doesn't want to waste your time with needless discussion, and he's too focused on the simple things he can control to pick up on your 'signals,' so your best bet is too just implement your own schedule of reinforcement for him.

Now, before I continue, this is all based on a few assumptions. One, that this, in fact, a loving relationship and that you two desire nothing less than both partners succeeding and being happy people, two, that your man is a good man but still a man and therefore a basic primate, and three, he is not a paranoid schizophrenic.

Additionally, none of this is meant for serious issues. This is for those annoying 'little things' that he does (or doesn't do).

So, let's cover some basic concepts. One, the behavior that you want to encourage and see more of is rewarded by you. Two, the behavior that you wish to get rid of is punished. I know that these seem kind of like 'duh' sort of things, but you'd be amazed how easily these things can get lost in a relationship. After just a couple years of marriage, great things about your partner will be taken for granted by you, and vice versa. Don't believe me? Go out with couples that you're friendly with, and you'll see just how fucking awful your marriage could be. It happens to us all the time.

Hopefully, the first thing that happens when you start thinking about existing behaviors that you want reinforced is that you start to realize that, in at least some ways, you have it good with your man. If not, it may be time to trade him in to the dealer.

Odds are, though, that there is some existing negative behavior that has led you to the point of considering training your mate like he was a dog.

Don't feel bad, though. Men need this. You know how you have that one female friend that lets her man get away with anything and everything? Do you want to be her? No, I didn't think so.

And that's the thing. Don't we unconsciously train our friends and lovers? We react with laughter and smiles and affection when they do something to earn that from us, and we do quite the opposite when they earn our ire, as well.

So, this is just like that, but on a more precise level.

Let's take something simple. Let's say he leaves his dirty socks all over the house.

First, give him a chance. Ask him once. If you're the one that does the laundry in the relationship, tell him it makes things much easier for you if all the dirty laundry is in one place.

He now knows that there is an expectation. From there, you now stringently live in the boundaries that you verbally outlined for him. If he lives his shit lying around, you don't need to be a bitch about it, but you can smile a little when he's out of clean socks. If he says something about it, tell him you'd be happy to help him remedy the issue if he could take a moment, go around the house, and then deposit them in the designated location, and do so in a kind manner. Mean it when you say it.

Now, let's say he starts to actually correct his behavior over the next few weeks. Let's say he starts being a little neater in general. When you see him doing something right in regards to his neatness, give him a little extra lovin'. Or, let's say he goes out of his way to try and impress you by starting to do the laundry himself or maybe he tries to have the place looking a little nicer for you. Make damn sure you reward him, in whatever way you see fit.

What'll probably happen, if he starts catching on, is that he'll unconsciously try to slack off a little, and get back to a comfortable, lazy place. Ease off on the 'rewarding' a bit, but then reinforce good behavior as soon as you can. Of course, communicating straight-up in these situations helps quite a bit, too, but he should make a point of knowing your expectation.

Also, be sure to tie the reward/punishment directly to whatever behavior you're targeting. Mete out the feedback as quickly as you can, even if it's doing a little playful teasing at that moment, with the potential to follow up later.

Speaking as a well-trained husband who's training is ever-continuing, I can assure that clear, literal communication, coupled with the above conditioning parameters can smooth your marriage considerably.

Lastly, speaking as a man, all of this works wonders in bed, as well. We love nothing more than knowing that we're rocking your world, or not. Exaggerate your breathing or noises a little when we're doing something that you want more of, and use subtle silence to get us to move on to something else if what we're doing is quite what ya need. Afterward, bring it up, and couch it in terms of 'THAT one thing was AWESOME, and maybe you could linger on THAT instead of doing THAT OTHER THING.' We want little more in life than knowing that we're the guy who does it for ya better than anyone else has ever even dreamed.

Reader Questions
This one comes from Tami in Maine. She asks,

Dear Blaine,
How do I ask my much-loved but oh-so-manly guy to do something around the house and make it sound like I'm not nagging? I don't want to nag, I just want to be able to vaccuum behind the fridge without an avalanche of stuff (not mine) falling on my head when I pull the damn thing away from the wall.

signed,
Sick of listening to the fridge run non-stop

I've been noticing lately that I know a lot of women who don't want to sound like they're nagging, but fear that they may be compelled to do so if their man doesn't get on something STAT.

What's sad is that my wife has been there before, with me, and still runs into this with me.

I suggest trying one of the following.

First, the simplest and best thing for everyone involved is saying, 'Can you take care of [X] for me? It'd mean a lot to me so that I can [do Y].' Now, if he's anything like me, he'll smile, assure that it's not a problem, advise you that he'll get to it later, and that never quite find that right moment in which to do it.

Second, you could try a simple barter. Make it into something interesting. Offer something he would value in exchange for his compliance with your directive. My wife has used everything from food to being willing to sit through an action/horror flicks with me to foot massages to more suggestive propositions, and that's worked nicely, though she does point out that I should just get off my ass and do it, in order to be an equal partner in our fortress of love.

Third, you do live in Maine, where it's always winter, and where Stephen King's monsters are running. You could just wait 'til he's in undies, then shove him outside, barricade the door, and tell him that the only way in is through the fridge, so if he'll just agree to do something about all of his shit there, you'd be glad to let him back in, before he dies of exposure or by being eaten by a terrible hell-demon.

Fourth, and this just occurred to me, wait 'til he's chilling, then start doing your vacuuming, and when you get to that moment, ask him to give you a hand with the fridge. Put him on the spot. Or tell him as soon as you start vacuuming, and say 'in 5 minutes, I'm gonna move that fridge, and you're going to help me.'

Hey, fellow men, any other thoughts on this? What have your wives/girlfriends/partners done to 'train you,' or get your motivated in some way?

Ladies, what tricks work for you?

I'll feature the best stuff in next week's Manly Monday!

Need some input on that once white-hot relationship turned festering marriage? Lemme know! I have a hot, happy wife, so I'm an expert!

-Blaine

Tomorrow: Tech Tuesday. We're talkin' games tomorrow, kids!