Fuck off, 2009.

I refuse to be the kind of person who allows themselves to have 'bad days.' I just don't believe in the concept. I think that when someone decides that they're having a bad day, they've made a decision to fail. They decided that things are too challenging, and their way of dealing with it is to give themselves a free pass to be a total piece of shit to everyone around them the rest of the day, and then scream aloud that it's justified, because they're having a 'bad day.'

That's bullshit. By refusing to have 'bad days,' I hold myself to a certain standard, and I don't let myself slip into negative thinking.

But that's bullshit, too. I've been eating more this year, drinking more this year, smoking more this year, and I haven't been a good friend to a lot of people. I allowed myself to make this year bad. I got too concerned with showing signs of weakness, and somehow fell into the belief that if I acted like nothing was wrong, nothing would be wrong.

Anyway, BLAH BLAH BLAH, I did my best to make myself crazy and thus make myself even fatter and sicker. Awesome. That all stops. Now.

I'm putting my goals for 2010 on here for all to see, in an effort to make it more embarrassing if I fail, as an extra motivator.

 - I am going to stop night-snacking. I have a terrible urge to eat while I read or watch stuff at night. It's a terrible habit, and it pisses my wife off.
 - I need to stop snacking altogether. It serves no good purpose, and is a big part of the problem.
 - I need to make smaller portions available to myself, and thus eat less at each meal.
 - I want to drop 50-100 pounds this year.
 - I am going back to not drinking at all on nights that are before work or school days.
 - I am going to quit smoking.
 - I am going to give Fallout 3 one more shot, since so many smart people have such stupidly high opinions of it.
 - I am going to find a way to enjoy exercise.
 - I am going to force my family to be more active.
 - I would like to finish my graduate degree in 2010.
 - I would like to publish another book in 2010.

Making exercise fun is going to be hard. When you're as fat as I am, it seems like it just can't be fun. I used to be a mega-athlete, so I know where these exercise addicts are coming from, I do, but shut the fuck up.

One thing I was thinking about that might be kinda cool is exploring the area in which I live on foot, while using a GPS. I would turn the directions off, and only use the map to navigate. Then, at least, I'm using my brain as well. I'd say, 'hey, I wanna see if maybe my sprawling neighborhood has a road that connects to Street X,' then I'd navigate by the GPS on foot, and see if I can find a route. Sounds interesting to me, at least.

I'm also going to give 'gaming while on the treadmill' another shot. I also like shooting hoops.

So, anyway, while I'm really disappointed in how much I let myself down in 2009, I can pull my shit together and make 2010 the year in which you motherfuckers BOW to me.

What about you all? Any thoughts on 2009? Any plans for 2010?

-Blaine

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