St. Louis summers are brutal, apparently, to outsiders. Perhaps since my sister and I came here at such a young age, we're accustomed to it, but it's always interesting to see my wife cast off her outdoorswoman persona in favor of air conditioning. Yeah, the 90+ degree heat can be tough, and yeah, the humidity makes you feel like you're walking through a thick cloud of moist hotness all the time (that's not an exaggeration, either), but the intensity of the heat always makes me feel like home has come to me. Nothing reminds me more of being home than St. Louis in the summer time.
I keep expecting the sentimental part of me to fall off, wither, and die, and I kind of wish it would hurry up and happen. At first, it's hard thinking that your days of 'joy w/ no responsibility' are behind you, but then as you age and harden, and it becomes a certainty that you're never going to feel that way again, it gets downright traumatic. I know it's wrong and childish to feel that way, so I work at curbing it and making myself know it's wrong to feel that way, but ... it is there.
Feeling like you've returned home can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, yes, it's a relief to wrap myself in summer's oppressively hot and damp blanket, but on the other, it's hard to contemplate that your most joyful days are behind you.
I'm still trying to find that balance, though. Having a great family, great friends, and great job is helping, I think.
Dexter
Watching Dexter is the best therapy I've ever had. I feel normal when I watch it.
What's most interesting to me is how they deal with the fact that being a childhood trauma survivor isolates the shit out of you as an adult. While Dexter doesn't necessarily deal with it in the best way possible all the time, I relate to him more than I do any other protagonist I think I've ever seen or read. At first, that really bothered me, since ya know, he's a 'crazy serial killer' and all. He's not, though. Calling someone 'crazy' is just an excuse to not take the time to reason out why they are the way they are. If you watch the show, you're probably very comfortable with how he chooses his 'victims.'
In any case, it's a great show, and expertly written.
What About the Next Endless Wars Book?
There are 2-3 chapters in place, and the whole thing is on hold while I work on a record with a couple guys I used to play with back when I was at least semi-relevant in the local scene. It's amazingly refreshing to be working in music again, and I'm amazed that I still have so much to offer. It uses an entirely different part of the brain than writing does, which is very cool.
Depending on the potential permanence of the band, I may work on the two simultaneously, but we'll see. I've not been able to do that before, but I've also historically been an incompetment fuckwit, which is not true anymore.
Cool. Thanks for reading.
What are your summer plans?
-Blaine
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